im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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