Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
