we have pet lesbian snakes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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