you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
