So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
