this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
