i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
