Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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