How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
