you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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