just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
