Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
