Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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