I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize