The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize