Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
