The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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