Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
