You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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