You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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