I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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