I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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