My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
