Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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