Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she woke up with a sticky ear
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
