I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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