Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
