like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
