I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
