What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
