Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
