Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize