Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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