Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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