If i come over, it means nothing
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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