If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
