Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
