i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize