Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
