I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
