Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
