dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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