I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
