so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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