Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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