You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
