Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
