just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
