Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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