she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize