i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
