Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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