I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize