Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
