Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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