I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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