Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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