Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
