you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
