when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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