I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
