So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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