Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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