don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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